The Debate Continues: Apostolic Wife Swap

By Denelle Burns

I wasn’t going to do it. I thought about it, drafted an article and then walked away because I didn’t see any point in getting pulled into a ceaseless debate over “standards” and who is right and who is wrong.

However, keeping my mouth shut perhaps only breeds ignorance and opening it will perhaps spur more discussion and hopefully discussion will lead to some understanding or at least some growth (even if it is unwilling on some people’s behalf).

By now I’m sure you’ve probably figured out that I’m speaking about the debate that is raging on Collideoscope regarding the “Apostolic Wife Swap.”

The Sound and The Fury
I have to admit that I have been sort of taken by surprise by the vehemence of some people’s reaction to the Apostolic housewife’s participation in ABC’s show Wife Swap. Why? I’m not really sure. I know that there are still people in this movement who truly believe that we should have absolutely nothing to do with television in any way, shape or form. And obviously that there are those who believe that we should have little or nothing to do with people who don’t look, think and act like we do. (How you are ever supposed to reach the lost when following those policies is another subject all together.)

I guess that I have been either living in my own dream world or maybe have consciously chosen to distance myself from people who are so closed minded but I expected a little more tolerance. I’m pretty sure that Jesus said “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.

Is It Justified?
Kristen Hoover and her family are getting a lot of backlash for participating in this show and I would simply like to pose the question of “Is it justified?”

Really?

One reader commented that,

“This is such a sad commentary in an UPC ministers daughters home where a keg comes in the home whenever the punk rocker mom has her say in the home? Is this
an godly atmosphere? Is this the witness that you want for your neighbors and townsfolk to believe in?”

To this I have two responses. One, isn’t it interesting that this woman is 34, has a husband and three children, and yet the first people that get the blame for her behavior are her parents? I am sure that Kristen’s parents did the best job possible of raising her and I am sure that they reached a point where they trusted her to make her own decisions. She is a grown woman. Yet, as soon as she does something that is outside of the realm of the “acceptable” people don’t attack her, they attack her parents.

As the child of a minister I cannot tell you how frustrating I find this. And, yes, how to this day, it influences a very large number of the decisions I make. At 29, when I make a decision it is mine and most often mine alone (my parents are 3,000 miles away) but I know that someone, somewhere is going to see it as reflecting on my parents and so I constantly walk that fine line of trying to live my life how I see fit without incurring someone else’s judgment and it can be a tiring and a taxing chore.

Two, do we have so little faith in someone else’s walk with God that we think their entire testimony to the community they live in will be compromised by participating in this venture? Do we think that the community they live in won’t see this as an opportunity to find out more about Apostolics or to take pride in the fact that their friends and neighbors, even in the face of blatant opposition, made a stand for what they believe in? Consider this, is your testimony compromised by eating in a TGIFridays or an Applebees? Yes, they are restaurants, but they are also bars. Who knows what you’re ordering once inside. Or what about when you go to the mall? There are stores in a mall that have content that isn’t exactly acceptable for Christians but do we shun the mall? Or maybe even closer to home, does having the Internet influence your testimony? There is perhaps nothing in the world that is more private or secretive than the Internet. Are we rushing to judgment of the Hoover family because we can see what they’re doing?

Additionally, I find it hard to believe that the other mother who was in their home had a significant influence over those three little girls in the 10 days she was there. One, because there was still a Holy Ghost-filled father in the home. Two, because at seven, five and three, I doubt those girls are going to be terribly interested in the keg that is brought in. And finally, it presents a great teaching opportunity for the Hoover’s, especially since their children are home schooled and have little or no exposure to public school.

As another reader appropriately pointed out, all too often, “The UPC people are not preparing their kids for the real world”. Children (and even adults) need to have a firm grasp on the world around them. Otherwise, when they are grown and are forced to interact with it they become overwhelmed by everything around them and either backslide or retreat to a position where they are, as my grandfather would say, “so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.”

Now that’s not to say that we should expose our children to everything and I cannot agree with the same poster’s assertion that allowing their children to not “miss anything . . . they were and are allowed to go to the movies and dress the way they want” and who have “never been made to go to church” is a good way to raise children. Children need structure, and example. Children should not be allowed to basically raise themselves or to make decisions that are beyond their ability to grasp or to understand the repercussions that may result. That poster is right, it was “luck” that their children have turned out as well as they have. And I’m happy for them.

Beyond What We Can See
Moreover, I think it is vital for us to look beyond our traditional beliefs in what Apostolics should and should not do and consider that this is about more than just us. During the making of a television show, especially one of this magnitude, there are dozens (maybe hundreds) of people who have never been exposed to Apostolics that will come into contact with the Hoover family and their beliefs. I know the power of the Holy Ghost and I cannot believe that these people were not touched or influenced in some way by that power. What life may be forever impacted, what soul may be saved out of this venture? Even if it is only one person, maybe some editing assistant, or a camera man or sound-tech, wouldn’t it be worth it. Isn’t touching one soul significant? The shepherd in Luke 15 left 99 sheep of his flock and went and searched - probably through some dirty and unfamiliar places--to find one little lost lamb. Who are we to discount the ways, methods and means that the Lord may use to rescue one soul here?

I may not have made the same choice as Kristen, and maybe you don’t agree with her choice, but is it really right for us to drag her before the UPCI community for judgment and condemnation? Especially when to this point all of our conjecture is based on pure speculation as none of us has seen this episode and we have no idea what the outcome will be. Jesus clearly says, “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” (Matthew 7:1-2).

And so Kristen, if you’re out there and reading this, know that you have my support. You made a decision, you took a unique opportunity to shine your light into the world in a way and on a level that many of us will never achieve. You have a courage that reaches far beyond the people who would hurl condemnation at you and hide behind the title of “anonymous.” If for nothing else, I say thank you for stirring up the fires of debate among a people that are too often content to live mired in tradition, happy in their obscurity.

Happily and Proudly Signed,

 

Denelle K. Burns

 

 

ninetyandnine.com

 

© 2007, Denelle K. Burns

 

Denelle K. Burns is a regular contributor to Collideoscope from her perch atop the Empire State Building.