By Denelle Burns

10.  Jay walking and subway riding are art forms.  I know exactly where to cross the street so that the traffic flow is slower or where to get on the subway so that I get off directly next to the stairs.  After all, time is money.

(Writer’s Note: All of these are based on true events.) 

10. Your doctor’s office is closed.
9. Your dog is sick and you feel like he’s “one of the family.”
8. The “voices” told you to call.
7. You need to find out if you’re pregnant, or not.
6. You have smoked and drank yourself into a multi-year/decade point of illness.
5. It’s the weekend and...(refer to number 1).
4. It feels like something is living inside of you.
3. You need a renewal of narcotic drugs in your life. 
2. You feel the need to place a foreign object (bottle, potato, gerbil)inside your body cavity.
1. Your skull has become detached from your neck.