By Mark Tewksbury, John Wiley and Sons, 2006
Reviewed by David Agriesti
January 8, 2007

 

Mark Tewksbury is the swimmer who won the gold medal at the Olympics in 1992 at the Barcelona Games.  He was raised in Calgary, Alberta by adoptive parents, although he doesn’t make much of the adoption. 

 

As a child Mark felt somewhat different from the other boys, and he did do some things that aren’t usually associated with the male sex.  His grandmother kept a collection of her clothes that he could dress up in, and every summer visit with her included dress up sessions.  His grandmother seemed to enjoy watching him do this.  For some reason he was also attracted to Barbie dolls and he would play with them behind his father’s back.  His father would spank him with a wooden spoon when he caught Mark with the doll, but that didn’t deter Mark.  Because he would become more attached than is normal to some of his male friends, he found that they were withdrawing from him.  As a result he felt completely alone and on the day that a bully threatened to beat him up after school, he realized that not one person had come forth to help him.  He realized that he was friendless. 

 

The bullying and ostracism caused Mark to think of suicide.  He says, “There were a few times when I would take a long blade from the kitchen, the only weapon I knew, and locked myself in the bathroom.  I would never actually hurt myself, but the depths of my self-loathing pushed me dangerously close” (35). He decided that he had much to live for, but he also had this terrible secret and he would do whatever he could to keep it that way.

 

Although he was somewhat clumsy in ground sports, he was quite good at swimming.  Because of this, he was accepted by the athletes in his school.  But one day when he went to his locker he found that someone had broken into it and written the word ‘fag’ all over it.  This upset him, and after a consultation with a school authority, Mark transferred to another school.  He hoped to keep a low profile there, but a bully who had connections with his old school found out about the locker incident and spread the news around the new school.  He’d had a few days of freedom from bad treatment, but it began again at the very school where he had hoped to be free of it.

 

The greater part of the book deals with Mark’s career as a public speaker and his efforts to help the International Olympic Committee choose sites for future games.   Unfortunately, he felt the IOC was inbred and that the committee refused all efforts to reform it.  He also became involved with trying to bring the Gay Games to Montreal, but his efforts were unsuccessful because of the failure of the ‘brand-owner’ to recognize the effort and possibilities of the Montreal committee.  He came away from this experience disillusioned because he’d expected better treatment from fellow gays.

 

After Mark won some fame as a gold medallist, he began to give motivational speeches.  He began with talks to children in elementary schools, and these seemed to be a big success.  He moved on to other groups, such as businessmen’s groups, but no matter the age or sophistication of the crowd he was speaking to, he realized that he should never speak at a level higher than the fourth grade.  As a motivational speaker he also represented important companies, and he began to feel the pressure that keeping his homosexuality a secret caused him.  Although he tried to present himself as a heterosexual, he was always afraid that someone would ask him an embarrassing question about his sexuality.  In one incident, Mark lost a six figure speaking contract because the representative of the company, himself a homosexual, had decided that Mark was “too gay.” 

 

There is very little mention of a long-term relationship—except for one with a German actor.  Mark was willing to live half the time in Germany and half the year in Canada, but that relationship was doomed because their professions depended on being able to speak the language of the country.

 

Inside Out makes a good deal out of the feelings of difference, loneliness and pain through childhood and adolescence, and the problems connected with being a closeted gay in the straight sports world.  The constant fear of being exposed finally led Mark to take the step of announcing his homosexuality publicly.  He had planned to do this by making a speech at a theatre, but the news got out, and he found himself surrounded by representatives of the media.  He appeared to have lost control of the situation, but instead, his evening went well.

 

It would be easy for Apostolics to criticize or condemn Mark Tewksbury for his homosexuality.  Paul makes this comment in referring to sinners, “and of such were some of you” (I Corinthians 6:11).  Tewksbury's work offers us an insight into the struggle facing teens and young adults, that may help our understanding as we try to reach our world. 

 ninetyandnine.com

 

© 2007, David Agriesti

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David Agriesti reads indiscriminately and voraciously in Central Ohio.  His newest technological treat is to listen to books recorded on his recently acquired mp3 player.  He's looking forward to watching the faces of his four grandchildren when they open their Christmas gifts.